Task 2: Self Introduction Email to Professor
Subject: Self Introduction Email to Professor
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Quek Ming Hao, but everyone calls me Zappy, and I am writing this email to tell you more about myself. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in civil engineering, and I am currently pursuing the same field of study in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). I grew up watching Phineas and Ferb, where they invented all kinds of stuff. I was inspired by them to build something of my own and this led to me choosing civil engineering. Professionally, I aspire to contribute sustainably to the city planning of Singapore by working under Urban Redevelopment Authority.
For my strengths, I chanced upon having drama lessons during my polytechnic days. My first roleplay was a disaster as my legs stood rooted to the ground due to stage fright. My confidence gradually increased and my final roleplay was filled with jeers and cheers (jeers as I was the bad guy). I believe what I learnt from drama would greatly assist me for my future presentations.
On the downside, due to my bad grammar, I tend to stutter when I speak. My grade for O Levels English is B4 and I am positive it was due to my compositional writing. Even my scripts for drama were rectified by my peers that were more proficient in English than I am.
Under your amazing guidance, I am hungry to improve on my first goal, polishing up my writing and presentation skills. My second goal is to become a speaker like daddypeet. He is a well-known speaker in SIT that I aspire to be. He portrays all the 7Cs that we learnt and always tries to make the lesson a little less boring. Through constant practice in class, I am confident you will see a different Zappy at the end of your module, Effective Communication.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao
Civil Engineering, Group 5
Thank you, Ming Hao! I look forward to reading this letter and learning more about you, and to seeing comments from your peers.
ReplyDeleteHi Ming Hao, I found what you have written really interesting (and hilarious), especially your sources of inspiration - Pineas & Ferb cartoon, and Daddypeet. Thank you for sharing your experiences too.
ReplyDeleteTwo things I thought could make your letter better is:
1) Using the word "stuff" in paragraph 1
Try using specific examples like, "Whacky gadgets" or "Futuristic tools"
2) Sentence structure in paragraph 2
Ps: I am personally not the best person when it comes to grammar, but I do have a suggestion to make it sound smoother
Instead of: "For my strengths, I chanced upon having drama lessons during my polytechnic days."
Try: "I chanced upon my strengths during drama lessons back in polytechnic."
Dear Hai Hong,
DeleteThanks for taking the time to read my introductory letter. I have read through your feedback and noticed my areas for improvement. I will make the necessary changes with regards to your comments on paraphrasing the ones you had highlighted to improve on my letter.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao
Dear Ming Hao,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing more about yourself! I see that you have got most contents covered. The letter looks complete and interesting. The first and last paragraph gave me a lasting impression as you list out your sources of inspiration - Pineas & Ferb cartoon and Daddypeet. I also love the flow and organization!
However, I personally think that your strengths could be further elaborated and restructured. Perhaps, you could rephrase it to "I chanced upon a strength during drama lessons in my polytechnic days."
Overall, this letter allowed me to get to know you slightly better and I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to get to know you better in the weeks ahead.
Best regards,
Regina
Dear Regina,
DeleteI have read through your comments on my introductory letter and I appreciate the time and effort. I am glad my letter let you know more about me and I would probably rephrase the sentence you highlighted.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao
Hey Ming Hao, your letter is interesting and funny. I feel your last paragraph could be changed a bit stating 'I am hungry to improve on my goals such as polishing up my writing and presentation skills and becoming a speaker like daddypeet.' I am sure you will be able to reach your end goal, all the best!
ReplyDeleteDear Marcus,
DeleteI am happy to know my letter had amused you and I really appreciate your time and effort to read my introductory letter. I noticed the change I could make for my last paragraph and am looking forward to improve on it.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao
Hi Ming Hao,
ReplyDeleteI was entertained by your amusing self-introduction. Your letter was clear and complete. You managed to cover all the points and have woven them together beautifully. Just a minor comment regarding capitalisation, I think "effective communication" in your last paragraph need not be capitalised.
I can relate with your aspiration to be a better speaker. I hope we both hone this skill through this module.
Regards,
Ivy
Dear Ivy,
DeleteI am pleased to hear that you enjoyed reading my introductory letter. I appreciate that you had taken the time to highlight some of my mistakes that could be improved on my letter. I will carry on with rectifying the mistakes and work towards a better self-introductory letter.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao
Hi Ming Hao,
ReplyDeleteThis is a unique and interesting letter. I like how you linked your childhood show and your inspiration to joining CVE. For the sentence "I grew up watching Phineas and Ferb, where they invented all kinds of stuff", you can change the word stuff to machine or gadgets. For the part on daddypeet as inspiration, maybe you can change it to 'My inspiration is to be like you, Professor Blackstone ... ' so the whole paragraph is more complete. The paragraph for me feels like you are referring to two different people. Overall, an interesting read. Keep up with your unique writing. Hope you achieve your goals at the end of this course.
Best Regards,
Aisyah
Dear Aisyah,
DeleteI am pleased to know you like my letter and had given examples to identify them. I am appreciative of the comments you had given with specific examples to illustrate the mistakes. I am excited to rectify my mistakes based on the comments you had highlighted.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Ming Hao.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed introductory letter. You address each of the areas required in the assignment with some flair. I'm impressed by the source of your original interest in engineering, Phineas and Ferb, which once more shows how powerful a media platform such as TV can be for kids.
You also do a very good job of providing concrete explanations of your comm stength and weaknesses. I'm glad to see that your experience with drama has served you well.
You've also taken some risk (and 'the liberty') in writing the last paragraph with a clear informal tone. That's not so bad, and as you might have gathered from what I said in class, I value risk-taking. But you do have to be careful with such an 'approach.' While I appreciate the flattery, and I do joke in class myself, you shouldn't assume that joking in a formal letter is appropriate. I'm not being hypersensitive here, just alerting you to the idea (one supported by Aisyah's comment) that moving from the established formality in an assignment might not always be advisable. :)
Here are some language issues that you might also consider as well as you revise this:
1. lack of information
-- I grew up watching Phineas and Ferb, where they invented all kinds of stuff. > I grew up watching Phineas and Ferb, an animated comedy in which the main characters invented all kinds of things.
2. words/phrasing
-- My grade for O Levels English is B4 ... > (verb tense) ?
I look forward to reading more of our writing this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteI appreciate and am grateful for your time and patience to reading my introductory letter. I am delighted to hear that my letter gave you a better understanding of myself whilst providing the factor of enjoyment. You had highlighted that my approach to informality could be very risky and having read the letter myself, I do realize it might be a little too informal. There was also additional comments made on my insufficient provision of information and grammar. I will make the necessary rectifications as soon as possible and I thank you so much for taking the time to read and provide improvement suggestions on my self-introductory letter.
Best regards,
Quek Ming Hao